Just my musings on the year thus far…
I’ve been going through some major life changes this year. While my year has not developed quite as I anticipated (and I feel I have not been nearly proactive enough on my goals), I am pretty damn happy with the direction my life is headed and where I should be by the end of the year. The biggest impact on my life thus far this year has been the end of my marriage. My husband moved out three months ago, a time that feels both short and exceedingly long. It was an abrupt end and one that sent us both reeling for a time, however I believe it heralds positive change for both of us and equilibrium does seem to be returning on both sides. We are still fairly close, although we see each other very rarely, and we are generally very supportive of each other. We try to co-parent amicably, and while we have occasional differing parenting philosophies, I have no doubt that, as with our previous separation, we will manage that just fine. I wish him nothing but the best.
One benefit of being poly during this time was that I had a boyfriend to turn to in the midst of all of this. His support was wonderful, and I am grateful as always for his presence in my life. I am even happier now that he and my ex have patched things up – there had been some anger between them that I think was more confusion than anything else. I am thankful that time allowed them to reconcile their issues, as I have no anger towards my ex and did not want my boyfriend to either.
As interesting aspect to come out of all of this is that my decision to be poly has been reinforced. I have no desire at all for monogamy, and highly expect that I never will. This rather surprised my ex, who is currently monogamous with his girlfriend and quite happy that way. For me, monogamy is simply not a path I enjoy. I am dating, with various levels of commitment and contact, several people at the moment, and am much happier for it.
So…my goals for this year were as follows:
1. I want to win the Turbulence Training Transformation Contest.
2. Deme and I are going to Burning Man this year
3. I am going to attend some TES classes and/or other bdsm learning opportunities
4. I am going to build a toy collection
5. I am going to update my blog on a regular basis again
6. I am going to have an even better job than the last
7. I am going to make/craft more things and get them sold (likely through etsy)
8. I am going to buy a somewhat decent digital camera
9. I am going to read more chapter books to the kids, and play more card games with them
10. I am going to move to more of a paleo/primal diet that is high-raw
11. I am going to integrate my “taking care of grandmother” routines effectively into my “taking care of myself, home and family” routines
12. I am going to have people over for family-oriented dinners frequently – and also for non-family oriented times
13. I am going to learn how to drive
I had intended to start the Transformation Contest that began in May, however my ex moving out (on, coincidentally, the same day my father died) just threw me too much. I have no shame in saying it took me some time to recover my stability after that. However, there is a new contest starting in September, so I have one more shot to get this done before 2011 dammit!
While I have not been working out regularly, I do now own a set of weights, so I am very prepared to start. I HAVE been eating all raw, with the exception of some meat upon occasion. I have been doing this for about 6 weeks now, and have also not been drinking during this time at all. I had a very clarifying moment while being very sick post-drinking after I got my first tattoo, and decided that day to go raw again,and not drink again until at least my birthday (December 1). I have not struggled with these choices, they have actually been remarkably easy. As with the first time I went raw, it was simply the right time for me to do so.
I am, sadly, not going to be able to attend Burning Man this year. Unfortunately, Deme lost the tickets in the midst of packing to move. Since finances have been tight, I was simply not able to pay for a new ticket. On the upside, since I made my peace with that decision, two different travel opportunities have appeared on the horizon, one to Chicago and one to L.A. There is a high probability that I will be able to go both places before the end of the year. I am REALLLLY excited about this!
BDSM-wise, I haven’t really attended more classed this year. I would like to, however many of them are weeknights and now that the living situation has changed, my free nights are less flexible. I also spent several months recovering my equilibrium re: D/s, so that of course had an effect. I plan to go to Suspenion at the end of this month – it will be the first time I’ve been since Deme and I broke things off. Toy-wise, I have a few new toys that were given to me by someone, so that was a win without effort on my part lol!
Technology…well, I now have not one, but TWO digital cameras. I am muchly pleased by this. On the downside, I have blogged hardly at all, in large part because as of the current moment, my computer will not even boot. So I am working to fix that, but not entirely sure I will be able to.
Income & job, I’ve been lucky in that, since I was laid off last year, I have worked a temp gig almost nonstop. This is not ideal, but it does pay the bills. My home computer not working has made it rather difficult to search effectively for something better, as well. On alternate means of money-making (i.e. non-corporate employment), I have not put enough energy into making anything happen as yet. I do though have several people willing to help me in a variety of things, and I am really looking to make that happen. Also, there’s a new boy I am dating who is extremely ambitious, has a plan and works his ass off to make it happen (and is, relative to me, doing EXTREMELY well for himself), and I have every intention of letting him influence and push me. Being around someone whose “everyday car” is a Lexus is definitely doing a great deal to shift my own perspective. One of the things I am thinking about is how to integrate my passion for making things and for teaching into income streams.
Kids and family…I have been reading to the kids more, and definitely need to play more games with them. I’ve been slacking a fair amount with my grandmother because my sister has become the default caretaker. There are several things that I had been planning to address regarding my grandmother, and I kept expecting free time to do so, however every time I thought this job was over, I was there the next week. So, I am going to have to give up on the “free time” idea and simply work around ways to handle what needs doing. Time off is a luxury I simply haven’t had, for all I expected to!
Inviting people over has largely stalled, because instead my focus has been to redecorate and fix up my apartment. One of the issues I had previously is that I never wanted to “settle in” because I knew my husband wanted to move, and I did not want to give the impression that I was unwilling to. This approach unfortunately benefitted no one at all, and now, without that concern, I am looking to make my apartment look as I want it to. This would be easier if I had more money, but I did quite a bit in the kids room for under $300 – luckily I have great friends!!
Driving. Ahhh driving. Well, I am going to the DMV tomorrow, and have the aforementioned wonderful friends very willing to help me learn, so that should start in the next few weeks!
Some unexpected things have come together, or are starting to come together this year. Among them, my body modifications (I now have a total of 12 piercings, including my nipples and a vertical clitoral hood piercing) and two tattoos, one of an alchemical symbol (on my hip) and one, taking up my whole back, of a tree-woman (which will start getting color tomorrow, whee!!!!) I am exceedingly, overwhelming pleased with these changes. I cannot express how happy I am, especially with my new back piece! I am going to soon be doing a teaching exchange with a friend – which means I will be doing my first *structured* salsa lessons (those of you I’ve randomly cornered for an impromptu lesson know I do THAT lots lol!), a process I am possibly as amped about as what I’m exchanging them for. I love teaching, I love sharing my passion for dance, and best of all, teaching is a wonderful learning opportunity for ME, I always come away from it with more understanding than I had going in. Plus, my teacher/student is also a really hot guy, always a plus! Perhaps the most unexpected thing is that I have discovered I am much happier being alone than I ever realized before. It’s been a fascinating process, and far from over, but it’s really led me to understand myself a great deal more. It is very freeing, not having to be tied to someone, in many ways. When I opened my single, solitary, me-all-myself checking account, I was thrilled. I felt like I was just told I could actually FLY. I have even, since then, opened a credit card in my name. I have, at 30, never had a credit card, ever. Neither has my ex. While I do not believe one “needs” credit cards, I *would* like to have a credit history, and to that end I have both a secured card and a secured loan now. Of course, I still buy exactly what I can pay for, and have no plans on changing that. I just put my very first purchase on my card – an unlimited metrocard – and will be paying it off shortly. Another thing to come from all of this is that I have an ardent desire to travel. I don’t think it will happen as much as I want in 2011, but definitely in 2012 it is ON.
On the whole, I am really REALLY happy right now! 🙂
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