Her reply to my last message was:
Do you often avoid answering questions?
Oh and yes. Yes I am happy.
My reply today:
I am not in competition with you, but I will take the time out and answer your questions anyway as you seem so interested.
While I did take the last year and a ½ off from my studies I was able to have many experiences and reach personal goals you will never experience. Here is a list of the following.
I believe I addressed the school issue, but just to clarify further, I would never look down on someone for not finishing school exactly on schedule – I certainly haven’t – and anyway I haven’t the foggiest idea how long massage school takes so the number of years you’ve been in could be completely average for all I know.
1. I paid off all my student loans from Gibbs (two in total) and would have paid off another loan I took out to pay for my current education. I know what it is like to pay off my depts. and be responsible when it comes to my finances.
This is something did not do or could not do from ages 24 to 26?
I had no debt at that time, still do not, and have been responsible with my budget for many many years now.
2. Three weeks after I moved out from ****** Street I got myself an apartment in Brooklyn on my own. I was able to find a job full time that paid me enough to meet my expenses, rent, and bills. I also managed to pay off all of my loans from Gibbs and I currently just finished paying off another loan that is pay for my current education.
At age 25 did you have such fabulous credit that would eventually allow you to buy a car or a house?
I have no credit at all. While I plan to address this soon, it has not been a big issue thus far. I am largely undecided on the value of having credit – there’s a reason certain cultures consider it immoral that I don’t entirely disagree with.
3. I have a 3.48 G.P.A. Because of my hard work I was given the chance to work under one of my professors at his private practice. I was even able to build a respectable client base that allowed me to cut my hours at full time at a job I did not like.
At ages 25 and 26 could you work less hours at a shitty job to purse something you love and get paid for it?
Absolutely not. I was however working at a quite nice job that I enjoyed for very good money with decent flexibility in my hours and EXCELLENT benefits. At this time I was the sole breadwinner of my household, supporting myself, my daughter and my husband, and later a second daughter.
4. I took two trips to Puerto Rico to visit family and friends. I also spent Weekends in Canada, Boston, Philly, Providence, Ithaca and other fun get always regularly without going over budget, or skipping bill payments.
How many trips did you make from ages 24 to 26?
All the trips I made during this time were family-related. My money has largely gone to things related to the kids rather than travel, particularly since until this past year I had not traveled without them, so expenses for traveling are much higher. However, I gladly put aside things for myself in favor of my family when needed, though of course I am happy and excited at the chance to be going to Puerto Rico at the end of July.
While yes I am still in school getting an education. I am returning to the class room with.
1. Work / Life experience along with self confidence.
2. With majority of my debts paid off.
3. I am also on a personal level see that I am capable of making it in the world and will become a strong self made woman.
I have no idea what makes you think you are better then me but you are not.
I believe I answered this already.
You never will be.
I feel so sorry for you.
You can be more.
You can do better.
Sadly you don’t.
I am quite happy with where I am in life, where I am headed, and the path I took to get here.
May not be perfect but given the situation between us I tried really hard.
I know for a fact that you and I are more alike then either one of us would like to admit.
And I feel like we should be friends on a level.
But each time I try toe nice and respectful to you.
You ALWAYS say some back handed comment.
Or you act like a total bitch to me.
(Matter of fact you acted like a BITCH to me since the day i met you! FOR NO FUCKING REASON)
Or you feel the need to act like you are better then me.
If I have been a bitch to you in the past, please let me take the time to apologize now. As you are referring to things that happened 3 and 4 years ago, my memory just isn’t clear.
Yet the man who treats you like SHIT gets love and respect.
Clearly you have not seen our relationship lately.
WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THAT?
I know you are not stupid so what’s the deal?
I know you had an affair with a married man and just because you did something that shady and dishonest does not give you the right to let someone do the same shit to you THREE TIMES.
I’m not entirely sure what you’re referring to here. I never “had an affair with a married man” and similarly I am unclear where you are getting “three times” from. However, it really doesn’t matter – Deme and I are both fine now with our relationship, and fine with the past, that being, it IS the past, and not something that concerns us today.
Plus I would NEVER cheat or lie to someone I claim to love.
Love is not hurting someone over and over doing the same thing.
If anything you should THANK ME for respecting your relationship.
I even stood back and let you try to fix the train wreck of a marriage you had when you tried to win your husband back. As much as I hated it I did.
Not ONCE since have you acknowledged that.
So unless you are going to reply with an apology or a thank you.
DON’T reply to me ever.
I have looked at myself.
The whole situation has forced me to do nothing else.
Maybe you should look at yourself.
In stead of acting like a condescending bitch because you have no self respect, no self love, or anything.
I am not at all sure where you get the idea that I have no self respect or self love. Rest assured, I am quite complete in this area.
As far as cookies go:
You are gonna use someone else’s bullshit ½ truth to deal with a situation.
What is up with that.
Because that ½ truth makes my point perfectly: Why are you looking for a reward for behavior I would consider normal?
Really mature and adult of you.
I guess expecting more from you is asking too much.
You never answered why you have been a bitch to be since day one.
I guess asking you not to be one would be asking you to go agents your nature.
See my above answer and apology for this.
“I have not been a bitch to you at all.”
If you want to believe you are not a bitch to me. Fine. I won’t argue that point.
Sometimes people tell a lie to them selves so many times they think it’s the truth.
Just to repeat: If I have been a bitch to you in the past, please let me take the time to apologize now. As you are referring to things that happened 3 and 4 years ago, my memory just isn’t clear.
“I’m very sorry you feel that way.”
As far as your I’m Sorry Goes: Do you even know what it is like to be sorry?
To hurt someone and feel bad for it later?
Based on how you have treated me (and how you let others treat you) in the past I highly doubt it.
In my experience, apologies and conversation to clear up hurt and confusion lead to a clearing of the air and the chance for a fresh start. Given as how we have gone through this before, I have no particular interest in rehashing it if it only leads to more of the same.
“but I feel as though we’ve had this conversation before.”
Yes we have had this convocation before. When we did this what happened:
When you opened up to me and told me about how you never saw yourself being a single mom at 25. I listened. When you opened up to me about how hurt you felt about the marriage you wear in was on the rocks. I listened. All I did was listen to a sob story.
If anything that was a rant.
As I recall it (and I am not totally clear on what I said – this was quite a long time ago – but I did read through the email you sent me after to refresh my memory) I had that conversation with you in large part to clear up *your* guilt over your role in the separation. Which you thanked me for, as you had been carrying that guilt needlessly.
Not because I wanted to.
It was because it was the right thing to do.
I believe when people open up they should be allowed to.
I give people that much compassion and respect.
Sadly you can’t.
So when I choose in my own time to do open up and get my closer I get:
“As far as “dealing with a situation”. There isn’t a situation except that which you create.”
I have been allowing you to open up. As for closure, I thought we achieved this three years ago. I certainly did.
So you know what:
If you really wanted to go back to school you would have already.
Stop wishing and just do it. You are white female and based on that the oppunites you have are far more greater then mine or your daugters.
It’s quite impressive how you feel that being white automatically means I have both money and time to return to school, neither of which is true. Now it is true that I could swing it if I truly wanted to, but currently the amount of time that it would take away from my kids and financial stress it would add have kept the balance in favor of not returning to school yet.
If you really didn’t want to be a single mom at 25 you could have done something about that.
Staying with someone who cheats on you more then once most times ends with a break up.
I am not a single mom presently so you do not need to worry yourself about that. Cheating is also not a concern at present, and Deme and I are more than capable of working through whatever problems we may encounter further down the road.
I realize I am talkig to a breick wall and you will never change or grow as a person.
I have changed and grown as a person a great deal. You need only ask those who have known me a long time to find that out. In particular, the separation was an extremely valuable learning experience for me, one that was very difficult at the time but that I actually appreciate now. The lessons that I have learned from that time make my life easier and happier each day.
People are the way they are for a reason.
I just hope the reason you are how you are is a fucking good one.
Sorry for trying.
I am on the right path. It is the best reason.